Learning to Say Yes, a personal account shared by Amanda

“No, you may not open the fridge--- there are unsafe foods in there.” My daughter's face fell. She is three and loves every independence that comes with this age. My heart sunk--- I worried about what might happen if something spilled, if she mistook an unsafe food for a safe one. With a laundry list of trigger foods and some pretty scary reactions under our belts, the worry is fairly valid. But I also worried about her feelings.

Raising a child with protein intolerances/ food allergies certainly has its challenges at times. Our oldest daughter, now three, recently made me realize a new challenge in our parenting--- saying yes.

Certainly, there are many appropriate opportunities for limits and boundaries. But in the name of keeping our protein intolerant children safe, too often it becomes much simpler to say “no” rather than to look for ways to say “yes” to offering opportunities appropriate to age and stage.

Tonight, as I watched her response to the refrigerator restriction, I thought to myself, “How can we say yes? How can we change the situation to make it a “yes” rather than only a “no”?” We did what I know other families have done--- we offered her a shelf. It seems so simple but she lit up, she was so happy to have a place of her own.

Every family situation is different and every child's needs vary greatly, based on restrictions, reaction history, age and stage, and other individualized factors. I always assumed that we would change B's restrictions as she got older because she would be outgrowing her allergies, because the reactions would be less severe, or because she would have more food options. For her, none of those areas have really changed and in some ways, the restrictions have become greater. Despite this, I now realize that I can make changes, though not in the way I had planned initially, because she is older, she is at a new age and stage.

Here are some ways that we have found to say “yes” while still working within the realm of assessing her known risks. Every family must assess their child's risks, benefits, and age and stage differently!

1.      Going to the movies! I remember the movies as being a “sticky” situation when we were kids--- there was always food, candy, and pop everywhere. My head spinds just thinking about the risks for B! We found a compromise--- arrived at the theater for the first showing of the day at 10am. The theater was clean, there was almost no one else there, and I even managed to get the snack guy to pretend to sell B's safe candy to her (I brought along a box of sweet tarts). She had an incredible time and we had a wonderful experience as a family!

2.      Creating a “self-serve” shelf in the fridge and working on creating a “self-serve” drawer in the kitchen, where B can grab safe snacks (measured out in little baggies and cups by me) at snack times.

3.      Play group-- After doing a bit of research, we found a food-free story and craft group at the local library. We go to the earliest morning time. The facilitator is great about ensuring a food free environment. Since a large amount of early childhood playgroups involve food, it is a great relief to attend one where it isn't an issue at all.

I know all of you amazing parents have thought of ways to make “yes” moments in the face of restrictions. Let's share these moments with each other so that we can all work together to provide as many safe opportunities for our children to grow, experience social activities, and express themselves.